PHASED OUT: Muh.....

I'm a love-starved son of a bitch... + BEBO

Leanne if you're reading this you're AWESOME. ;)

Fanciful stalkerishness aside, my Bebo page is finally up and running. Woot!

http://ffs-dontcare.bebo.com

Visit it, bitches.

Now onto the real update...

Since my ever benevolent Media Design and Computing Level 3 teacher is forcing me to engage in the Web Challenge (or whatever it's called), seeing as she (and other teachers) apparently really likes my sense of humour, demented as it is, I've opted to repeat what I tried to do last time she forced me to do this.

I'm going to design a webpage on what can only be described as lewd and disgusting by my dear friends the fundamentalist Christians.

I'm going to do Sex Education.

Ooh ooh ooh! I could put my dark sense of humour to real use and compile a nice short list of safety rules!

It'll be the latest craze after caffeinated condoms (to keep you awake in case you find your boyfriend boring in bed - falling asleep? Just give head!) O_O

In fact, in light of this, I present to you my "flavourable" list of SAFETY RULES:

1 - Put the animal down.
2 - Put the child down.
3 - Bananas are soft, and phones are electrical.
4 - If by yourself, use sterilised artificial stimuli (ie clean dildos). Don't forget to wash your hands.
5 - Stay away from the arse.

That's right. Putting your tongue there WILL result in at least a liberal dose of salmonella. Your fingers will be required to be steam-cleaned for at least 72 hours straight before they can be used again. And there's no telling what your partner's eaten in the last few hours... It's best that you don't try to tell what he/she's eaten by checking the shit that's lodged on your finger(s)/special appendage.

Just take into account the following two rules: doing your pets = mechanical isolation OR hybrid inviability, and doing your sister/brother/cousin = hybrid breakdown OR hybrid sterility.

(Finally, a use for those terms I learned in Biology the other day!)

Remember kids, anal is banal. And it hurts.

Ark

(No, I haven't tried it or been in bed with anyone. Shut up.)

posted by Ark @ 11:14 PM